Many parents raise children together while living apart. This may be the result of co-parenting after a divorce or because the parents never married. When you have a child with someone, even after the relationship ends, your parenting relationship remains. You both
remain parents and are responsibile for your child/children. This
person is now your child’s other parent – someone your child loves, looks up
to, and will likely take after in some ways – not your spouse or partner. Although you are no longer a couple, you are now a co-parent. To make the process easier, avoid calling the other parent your “ex” and refer to them as “the father or
mother of your children”.
Below are some additional suggestions to have an effective co-parenting relationship:
·
Don’t project your
feelings onto the child or assume the child has the same feelings as you
towards the other parent.
o
Accept
your own feelings and try to understand your child’s feelings.
o
Remember
it is okay to ask the child why they feel a certain way.
·
Avoid sharing your
personal feelings or loss related to the divorce.
o
With
the end of the marriage comes the end of that sharing.
o
Separate
your feelings from decisions and interactions about your child.
·
“Fake it, til you make it”
o
Establish
boundaries to help keep your feelings under control.
o
It
is important to have some emotional distancing or disengagement
o
Imagine
the other parent is your business partner. You have to be polite, have business
like conversations, and work together to raise your child.
Preparing
for the “Business Meeting”
In
order to improve communication with the other parent, it is encouraged that you
emotionally detach (and put your feelings aside) when interacting with each
other. Respect the common ground you share that you both love your children and
want the nest for them. The following suggestions or offered to help the
“business of raising your children”.
- Have
regular meetings to share important information
- Be
polite, respectful, and business-like
- Keep
the conversation focused on the children
- Avoid
having the child as the “go-between” and carry messages
- Be
prepared and structure conversations
- Relay
information about: emergencies, appointments, school, your child’s successes,
or information about social activities.
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Copyright 2013 Erlanger A. Turner, Ph.D.
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